I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
