1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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