i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
