Your face is a jimmy john
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
