Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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