the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
did i just pee glitter
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
