nut hugger
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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