Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
