you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
