You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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