woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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