Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we're making bets on your personal life
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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