if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
