she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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