Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
