it was like eating out sand paper
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
