i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
