He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize