The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
