i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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