After last night, I could never be a politician.
i dont even know how to be here
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize