My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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