WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
