Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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