How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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