I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
