She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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