this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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