I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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