im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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