I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
