Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
