So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
