So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
