hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
