so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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