Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
