How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
