You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
