Will you blow on my dice?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize