i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
