I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
