I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
