Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
