His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
