he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize