on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
