Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
