Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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