she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
