we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
