Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How's work?
Spinning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
