you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
