Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
