you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
