"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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