Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
