Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
