my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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