Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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