Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
