I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
