my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize