If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
