things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
