well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
