Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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