i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
