On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
