he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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