if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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