All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
