Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize