i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
