Umm I'm too high to move.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
