your thong is hanging out like whoa
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
