i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
