I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
