I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i have herpe
just one?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
