Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
