I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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