I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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