I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
